Thexemplary: Today on Thexemplary is an amazing woman. An exemplary woman. An International John Maxwell Certified Coach, Teacher and Speaker who offers workshops, keynote speaking, and coaching to aid personal and professional growth through study and practical application of John’s proven Leadership methods. With over 20 years’ leadership experience and the privilege of being mentored by some of the finest leaders, Eden offers hands-on expertise to her clients.
She admits that serving in various capacities has taught her that no task is too mundane and no goal too magnificent to explore. Her unique blend of compassion, insight and humor makes her easy to connect with. She describes herself as your friend, your mentor, your strategist, the girl next door, the voice within you telling you to raise the bar, your consultant, business partner, a safe place and the force which propels you up and out of your comfort zone.
Eden holds a Bachelor of Arts degree and an MBA. She attended Leadership classes for Sustainability in Harvard University, Boston Massachusetts and is the initiator and coordinator of Adopt A Widow (A.A.W), a grassroots benevolence project aimed at providing annual support to the bereaved women beyond their grief period. Her Global brand stems from successful interactions with people of different cultures, creeds and philosophies. She is a diverse speaker with the added advantage of having a well-rounded worldview. Her corporate industry experience spans Banking, Energy, and Consulting to multi-cultural teams. She Loves volunteering, Writing and travelling, writes a variety of genres from Leadership, Inspiration, Poetry and Short stories. Her passion for Women advocacy, Confident living and Wholesome Relationships is reflected in her work.
She is widely known by her reflective nuggets, thought provoking one-liners and the Brand name #SpeakerTrainerSage
Her marriage is blessed with three lovely children.
Thexemplary: Ma, we would like to know your opinion on the increasing rate of domestic violence and what encouragement or insight you can give to women, especially a Battered woman who thinks her life is over.
Eden: I am of the opinion that when it comes to Abuse and being battered, there are several ways it can be handled. And though no one predicts being battered and in most cases, it has to do with the insecurities, lack of self-control and background of the abuser, there are things that we can do to mitigate its impact.
Preventive: This is a ‘Before the fact’ call to action where signs of abuse during courtship, dating are not swept under the carpet under the guise of ‘Love’. Love does not thrive in Fear. Certain character indicators like uncontrollable anger, threats of bodily harm, lack of restraint, condescending interaction with the opposite sex, a control freak streak, alcoholism, drug use, inability to keep a job for down, chauvinistic tendencies et al are a few of the signs that often escalate into full blown abuse in marriage. You may not be able to control the choices of others, but you can control the decisions you make before becoming entangled with an abuser. Look out for patterns in what they do. It speaks louder than potentials or what they say.
Adaptive: While this is not the advisable route, because countless lives have been lost by those who honestly thought they could work things out with their abuser. This can be an alternative under extenuating factors if the abuse is triggered by substance use and accelerants and the parties involved are willing to seek professional help, therapy or patiently pursue forgiveness and reconciliation, after an initial season of temporary separation.
Receptive: This angle to battering will be the determining factor in how successful the victim becomes ‘after the fact’. Most victims are shamed into believing that the abuse is exclusive to them, that somehow they deserve abuse, that they must be dysfunctional because they are abused, that their value and self-worth perpetually plummets in the face of abuse, that they must go on to live apologetic lives forthwith. This should not be the case. The Receptive route involves an honest appraisal of the situation for what is it: Abuse. Nothing more, nothing less. Without excusing the abuser and beating yourself down. To understand that this monstrosity cuts through age, class, education, religion and pedigree. To accept that it is sadly not uncommon. And to know that Help can be sought, and life after this phase is both possible and obtainable.
However, to get there, we must have a Perspective change. The greatest world changers, successes who rise after a bad break are those who have a mindset, thought patterns and an outlook on life which refuses to sink with the pain they’ve been dealt with. You must being to compartmentalize your life, so that one area of unfortunate feedback won’t spill over and negatively mydefine the rest of your life. Your career, sibling relationships, gifts, talents should not be eroded because your relationship was abusive. Don’t be ashamed of your scars, take your power back by deciding to use the curve ball thrown at you to lift others up. Your scars are proof you were worth the Win and you were bigger than what came against you. Leave to Live. Seek the help you need. Change your team, if your present team encourages you to remain beat up, trampled on and puts your life at risk.
Let me leave you with the Vintage words of my mentor Maya Angelou; ‘We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated’. Remember you are Beautiful, deserving of True Love, and your Purpose goes beyond any season of pain.
Thexemplary: Thank you so much for your contribution. You are a blessing to our generation. You can follow Eden A. Onwuka on Facebook to learn and she what she offers.
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